March 2012
8 posts
i get really embarassed when any of my cousins posts on my facebook wall. they’re my only facebook friends who don’t use proper grammar.
in other news, i got a truck today. yaaaaay. sigh.
you’re a surgeon (obviously, in this imaginary world, you are much smarter, studious and better looking). you’ve just finished mucking around in someone’s head, successfully removing a tumour. but you’ve come across a complication and you know that the patient will die quickly and painlessly in the very near future. what do you say to him?
one of the harder things to deal...
in the past month in our town, there have been two deaths and one major injury due to motorcycle crashes. motorcycles are a constant reminder of mortality.
one of the ironies i see every day is that while my life is thoroughly awesome, but (at the risk of sounding naive or emo) i’m not all that afraid to die. i’m just afraid to die in a van. just kidding.
however, i’m...
looking for a roommate who is:
“interesting” enough to probably stay single for a very long time
but not “interesting” enough to murder and eat people
which is how i see myself
there was a time when i had to decide between two cds because i couldn’t afford both. now i can afford to buy both, but am i really any more content?
my sister and i have vastly different opinions on art. for example, our ideologies on photography:
my sister takes dozens to hundreds of photos of a subject (literally), carefully composing and altering the scene until she gets the perfect results. she then saves everything. for example, she wanted to capture a scene of a very young merchant pedaling to work against the morning sunrise. two...
i’d like to think that when people saw me on my bike, they didn’t see a bad-ass or an idiot or a racer or a prude, but instead a boy riding a pony with unbridled joy and passion
February 2012
10 posts
i know i'm overpaid, but... c'mon!
patient: i need these medications filled.
me: sure, name please?
patient: joanne sivvers.
me: is this your first time filling here?
patient: no, i fill here all the time!
me: alright, could you spell the last name please?
patient: joanne. sivvers.
me: yes ma'am. please spell the last name please.
patient: JO. ANNE. SIVVERS.
me: i heard you, ma'am, please spell the last name for me please.
patient: SIVVERS. SIVVERS. LIKE THE COLOUR.
me: you mean, like silvers?
patient: SIVVERS!
want too much information?
i’m posting so much because i’m sick. dog sick! i had a massive fever on wednesday that broke that night, but i’ve still been feeling like crud ever since. compound that with an emergency drive to texas that involved almost no breaks and adderall.
i’ve been coughing and sneezing up the most ludicrous stuff you’ve ever seen in huge amounts. i’ve coughed up...
“and i said, ‘ev, i want you to look after my wedding ring,’ and she...”
– i used to hate ewan mcgregor, until i found out he was a motorcyclist.
my dream house only has two requirements. it’d be safe and it’d have extremely easy access to the garage. maybe to the point where the garage is merged into the living room. only two impossible requirements….
cancer treatment
just an interesting tidbit: the three ways of treating cancer are surgical removal, radiation therapy and chemotherapy. surgery removes the gross mass, radiation and chemo are used variably to reduce the growth of the tumour before surgery and to mop up the bits left over afterward. treatment may involve any combination.
colloquially, the directions are: cut, burn and poison
January 2012
10 posts
you know you're a petrosexual when...
you think: i wish that girl in a bikini would get out of the way so i could see the car better
in other news, i want to learn sign language, but there’s precious few classes around here. i would drop three grand in a heartbeat and take an immersive two week course in washington dc, but i have to save up my vacation days for me mum.
on medicaid
during the third year of pharmacy school, the class was in a riot! the topic: the unfairness of the american welfare system. people were passionately arguing and shouting, some were literally crying. ironically, they were all arguing the same thing: welfare is ludicrously unfair. then, one young man raised his hand and held it there until the professor managed to shush everyone (which took a...
if there’s one surefire way to improve your reflex time and decrease accidents when you’re driving, most of us would jump right on it, right? until you find out that it’s putting down that goddamn cell phone. and the thing i hate most about talking and driving is the pure arrogance of it all.
inevitably, the first argument is: “well, i’m a pretty good driver and i...
i used to play violin and i had an amazing teacher (who i didn’t appreciate enough at the time). she was from new zealand, which served to (1) make her so much more flippin’ adorable and (2) probably give her a foul taste of the states after the events i’ll discuss. it seemed, in addition to me not appreciating her, no one else did either. neither her students or colleagues....
reinforcing my beliefs, i almost got t-boned the other day! probably because the other driver was on a goddamn cell phone. the other car’s brakes were screeching, i slammed on my van’s accelerator pedal.* (which caused this sickening cracking sound) i know i should be glad to have the car’s cage around me, but it just left me with the feeling that i’d rather die on a bike...
in my hand, i hold the tag renewal letters for two of the most beautiful vehicles ever made. :(
my mother’s coming in three days and i have a fridge that has no food in it and about $150 worth of alcohol!
jenny holzer →
a favourite
i had a friend who really liked to ask to ride in my lotus, but who complained throughout the ride. the lotus elise is a no compromise vehicle in terms of comfort. you couldn’t drive a lotus elise for long just because you liked the status of it. you really had to love the road.
and that’s why i loved it, because it was purely about driving. i won’t get into the disappointment i...
December 2011
15 posts
two cases of needless aggression
i love moderately spicy foods. wings, vietnamese soups, tacos… the heat just adds a delightful element. but i can barely eat at my extended family’s gatherings. they add so much peppers to the food that my stomach burns and i literally get nauseated after the first bite. i really can’t decide whether they’ve become acclimated to the spice or if it’s just a case of...
the kid i sold my bike to let me ride it for half an hour last saturday. god bless him. i’d trade pushing the lotus to its limits for that half hour of slow city riding in a heartbeat
this may seem like a white whine, but it’s such a goddamned fucking shame that i’m going to be spending >$50K for a car that i only somewhat enjoy when i could buy a motorcycle that i...
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how to proper turn a corner
now, taking a corner proper consists of focusing on two parts: entry speed and angle of entry.
motorcycling gives you a different outlook on entry speed because you have a good chance of losing control if you brake during a turn. you can definitely brake during a turn in a car, but unless you’re racing, why not brake before the turn, which almost guarantees you traction? brake before the...
my biggest culture shock from moving to walgreens is a severe lack of basic education in some of our patients. (in my first draft, i used the word “stupidity,” but decided that’s a little harsh)
my first big experience was when a patient called up and asked me to go over her directions with her. it was a relatively complicated regimen, calling for one tablet once daily on the...
“we ‘ve been doing it all wrong, we ‘ve been chasing the american...”
“wipe that smile off your face! i ‘ve seen your bike out there; it ‘s...”
– my favourite patient inadvertently scared the crap out of me when he walked up to the counter and said this
how do you sort the segments of your life?
most of my later life is definitely sorted by song. right now, i’m going through the eisley’s the valley era, featuring the loss of my elise and end of my career with publix. my first car accident and major falling out with my mum was the delerium’s chimera era. then, there’s the franz ferdinand’s tonight era, where i liked a girl, but i guess she didn’t like me...
when i was five minutes away from motorcars of georgia yesterday, i realized i was trembling. looking at cars is better than a first date for me. unfortunately, they did not have a single lotus on the lot. (which, following the metaphor, is my equivalent of being stood up)
i’m young and tend to dress terribly, which went hand-in-hand with my favourite habit of sitting near my car and...
i can’t help but to blame mi madre for my current vehicular troubles. she asked me to sell the bike and i unwillingly obliged. what does that have to do with the car crash? i was “forced” to buy my car way ahead of schedule. before i bought the bike, i actually took a safety and proficiency course. (if you only knew the scrapes i’ve gotten out of with the skills I learned there. in fact, I only...
somewhere, in an olde apartment in macon, a person is staring at a coathanger bent into the shape of a heart that’s hanging from the ceiling and wondering wtf it is. i don’t believe that they would fathom i used it to brand myself and accidentally left it behind.
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November 2011
15 posts
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a roaring mustang going at 30 mph today reminded me of something. a friend once disappointingly commented about how quiet my elise was. that’s because, unlike a mustang or a rice rocket or a porn star, when my car screams, she means it. if your car is roaring at sub-highway speeds, please consider an upgrade.
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