the kid i sold my bike to let me ride it for half an hour last saturday. god bless him. i’d trade pushing the lotus to its limits for that half hour of slow city riding in a heartbeat
this may seem like a white whine, but it’s such a goddamned fucking shame that i’m going to be spending >$50K for a car that i only somewhat enjoy when i could buy a motorcycle that i unabashedly love with all my damned heart for <$10K. (i promised my mom i wouldn’t own a bike until she passed)
why buy something so expensive when i could just get a boring car for a couple of years? the answer is that i feel so depressed without an interesting machine to push me around. i just feel as if i’m dragging through life day to day; even with the lotus, i felt blue. most people need love or money or sex or drugs, but i don’t even want any of those things - i need a motorcycle to really feel alive. for god’s sake, i understand motorcycle physics better than i’ve ever understood any girl.
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the worst part of this all is that the only reason she’s getting her way is because she’s dying and because i’m trying to be a good son. she’s never listened to me when i’ve asked her to do safer things before. she drove a car that overheated on a regular basis 30 miles to work every day and let a brand new car sit rotting in the driveway “to save miles.” she locked herself out of the damn house about once a month because she refused to listen to me and use the keys to lock the door instead of turning the lock and closing the door. before that, she had someone just simply walk inside our house and wait to attack her because she wouldn’t listen when i told her she should lock the door when she walked us to the bus stop. god forgive me for saying this, but she always microwaved and reused these damn styrofoam cups (creating carcinogens) and took so much more tylenol than is suggested (liver damage) and then ends up with liver cancer. and guess who warned her about all this. all these damn poor decisions she makes in life yet i have to listen to her because she’s dying. goddamn it. why don’t i get to make poor decisions?
