The Ribald Report

this is why we can't have nice things

two cases of needless aggression

i love moderately spicy foods. wings, vietnamese soups, tacos… the heat just adds a delightful element. but i can barely eat at my extended family’s gatherings. they add so much peppers to the food that my stomach burns and i literally get nauseated after the first bite. i really can’t decide whether they’ve become acclimated to the spice or if it’s just a case of machismo.

even in my van, i’ve noticed that people people tend to speed up and refuse to let me pass. which might be understandable because they might have just dozed off and forgotten the speed limit. except that after i pass them, they tended to slow down again.

in coweta county, georgia, in a van, i once tried to overtake a guy going 5 under on a two lane highway. he sped up to 20 over to keep me in approaching traffic even when cars started appearing in the distance. i gave a final desperate burst of speed and managed to squeeze back in. meanwhile, he’s slowing back down to 5 under. this happened four more times in the next 30 minutes (twice to me, twice to other unfortunate drivers).